|
Why is marriage is like a deck of cards?
In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. Later on there are days when you wish you had a club and a spade.
What's the Cuban National Anthem?
Row, row, row your boat.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
What did the Chinese couple name their tan, curly-haired baby?
Sum Ting Wong.
What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
Because they're not going to work in the future either.
Why do driver education classes in redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
The southern zoo has a description of the animal ... along with a recipe.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell, 'BINGO!'
Fairytales
What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale???
A northern fairytale begins, ...'Once upon a time...'
A southern fairytale begins, ... 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit.'
Mexican Olympians
Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump, or swim are already in the United States
Fairy Smart
I met a fairy today that would grant me one wish:
"I want to live forever," I said.
"Sorry" said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!"
"Fine," I said, "I want to die after the politicians get their heads out of their butts and start telling the truth!"
"You crafty bastard," said the fairy.
Gas Prices
I went into the gas station today and asked for five dollars worth of gas ...
The clerk farted and gave me a receipt.
Man of the House - for all those guys who are King, until their wife gets home.
Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."
"Oh yeah?" said Charlie. "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over," Mike replied, "she came to me on her hands and knees."
"Really? Now that's a switch! What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken-shit."
We'll keep adding to this page so send them in to Jim.
Back To Top |